Jurassic Park Review

      A fixture in popular culture, Jurassic Park is famous both in its own right, and for the movie adaptation directed by Steven Spielberg. While movies confuse me, the book actually isn't half bad. It was consistently interesting and engaging; I only fell asleep once while reading. The characters were likable enough, especially Ian Malcolm, some kind of math nerd, who I found quite humorous, despite the fact that I think I bullied him during my 5th year of high school.
     However, both author Michael Crichton and rich owner of the titular park John Hammond are losers. I mean, what kind of grown man spends this much time thinking about dinosaurs? I gave up dinosaurs in the third grade when I banged my 16-year-old sister's friend under our trampoline.
     Anyways, the book was pretty good for something aimed at 10-year-olds. Speaking of little kids, the girl, Lex, in the book was one of the most annoying literary characters ever. She whined about everything, almost got everyone killed countless times, and was a bitch to her younger brother (who, admittedly, was kind of a nerd). She ended all regrets as to giving my wife full custody.


All told, I give the book a 7/10. Good, but you're never going to get laid with a book about dinosaurs.

You earwigs care to disagree? Comment below.

Robinson Crusoe Review

      Many people regard Daniel Defoe's Robinson Crusoe as a classic and a great piece of literature. I think these people are lunatics. The reason his name is Defoe is because only one's greatest enemy would inflict such tedious torture upon an unsuspecting readers.
     The first problem is the main character, for whom the book is named, is a psycho. He manages to get lucky enough to be removed from the world, with none of its annoying inhabitants to deal with. Once happily established on his island, however, he wastes time helping people and trying to escape. Ridiculous. His religious rantings and constant thanking of Divine Providence get rather old as well.
     The dialogue is also terrible. Crusoe's main companion, Friday (what the hell kind of name is that?) speaks English, but only in the most stereotypical broken dialect possible. He also goes from being a cannibal to being a God-fearing Christian, all because of the great prophet Robinson's speeches. A likely story.
     The plot is predictable enough. He gets rescued, makes it back to England, and lives a jolly life.
     Lastly, the entire book is in one chapter! Not having anywhere to stop, I read the entire thing in a single sitting, although I think that one may be my own fault.


   

     Final verdict: 4/10. Wouldn't recommend.


     You worms care to disagree? Comment below.

One More Thing

I've read all the books I'm posting about. So even if I say something you think is inaccurate, you're obviously wrong. I make of the books what I make of them. Deal with it.